AMENDS
A taste of my other Substack "Can I Ask You A Personal Question"
Two years ago, I was vacationing with my girlfriend, Evelyn, and her family in Mexico. Sitting around a table one evening filled with beer-battered fish tacos and spicy margaritas, she brought up my ex-boyfriend, Luke, and his wife, Kim. Luke was the ex I dated for over four years, the one people assumed I’d marry, and the one I blew up my life to leave because in my heart I knew we needed different things.
"They look at me like I’m the devil. And honestly, why does everyone blame me for what you did to them?" Evelyn launched into a rant about how my ex and his now-wife shun her every day at school drop-off and how being associated with me had brought her nothing but hardship her entire life.
I was used to Evelyn taking it personally when people dissed her because they had a problem with me—actresses I’d worked with, former besties, random guys from the dog park that I led on then gave a fake name and number—hers. But this time felt different.
"Yeah, they definitely want nothing to do with us." Her husband, who never weighs in, agreed.
"That’s weird. I haven’t seen or spoken to either of them in over fifteen years." I shook my head, perplexed but also flattered that I had such an impact. On one hand, it was sort of fun to think that it still took up so much real estate in these people's heads. But it also made my stomach churn. One of my most toxic traits is needing everyone to like me. And the idea that these two didn't triggered the fuck out of me.
"They cross the street and look the other way when they see us coming. He shakes physically when I speak. They are scared of me. You did something!" Evelyn said it pointedly.
If I had been hearing this about Jason’s ex, I might have understood. With Baz, I didn’t just do something. I did a lot of things. I exploited her for my comedy and wrote about her in my first book, which I then turned into a TV show where I drove a drone into the back of her head. Not the real Baz, but the actress playing her, who ironically also doesn’t speak to me anymore. But what I did to these two, I really don’t know.
(In my psycho ex girlfriend era)