RIVER

If you have

been following me for awhile, you’re probably familiar with this story but for those of you who are new, let me catch you up to speed.

Just before my 40th birthday, I saw these two adorable Chinese kids dancing to this Bishop Briggs song, River. The dance was choreographed by Galen Hooks, this insanely talented dancer/ choreographer who I immediately started stalking on instagram. Not only did seeing these kids’ moves make me think less of my own children, it also inspired me to hire an instructor and learn the dance myself.

My dream was to perform it for my fortieth, flashmob style with all the various characters from my life dancing beside me, my doorman, my nanny, my dry cleaner, my husband, his sister, her lover… You get the idea.

Anyway, it didn’t happen. While I was able to make it to Israel to get Bat-mitzvahed, I never got my shit together and wrangled the troops into performing River.

I teased this for over a year to my instagram followers and literally never delivered. It was like the worst ending to your favourite TV show ever. The entire River storyline was forgotten, abadnonned and wiped from the record as if it never existed.

Then, two months ago, my agent Ally, not Allyheartsjenny but my other Ally. (Random fun fact, Allyheartsjeny is actually now dating my doorman. This story deserves its own post so I’ll save the details for another time.) Agent Ally told me that Ballet San Antonio reached out about me being their key note speaker. I still don’t know why they picked me or even thought of me but I said “yes” immediately.

I asked what I should talk about and Ally said that they were open to whatever. So it got me thinking…. What if I talked about how I wasn’t a dancer but how the theater changed my life? What if I confessed to never performing River because I never felt ready? And then what if at the end, I actually performed River?

“What? Like in the actual dance? At the luncheon? This sounds like a terrible idea.” Jason said.

But it was no use, once I had the idea my head, I couldn’t let it go. I knew that it would be risky and borderline insane to try and pull off, but I also knew that regardless of what happened, I was going to have an EPIC STORY. Even just pitching it to people made me laugh. How could I speak at the ballet and not just fucking go for it? So guys…. I went for it. And here is the result.